When you get divorced, there are many different things you have to deal with, many of which may not seem like an immediate priority. One of the crucial things to do if you have children is to develop a parenting plan together with your spouse or, if your spouse is uncooperative, the court. Your divorce is going to affect every aspect of your life, and separating your life from your combative ex can be hard. A Tulsa divorce lawyer can help you make a good plan.

Co-Parenting With a Combative Ex

In many cases, divorce tends to bring out the worst in people, especially the spouse who is served with divorce papers. They may decide to cause unnecessary problems in the divorce process simply out of spite or in an attempt to drain you financially. You may see your spouse in a new light, not as a parent or someone you used to love, but as a hindrance to your happiness. Having to co-parent with that person can seem like an insurmountable task. Still, it’s necessary.

That’s why it’s so important to develop and follow a strict parenting plan with your spouse. A parenting plan lays out everything you need to know to parent effectively with your former spouse. It includes a detailed visitation schedule, how the child’s break times will be split between both parents, and who will make the child’s major life decisions. Every parenting plan is different, and you will have to decide what is worth including along with the court.

After a divorce, it is very important that you continue maintaining a positive environment for your children. That may include being as civil with your ex. Depending on the details of the parenting plan, you may not need to see them frequently, such as only during drop-off or the occasional PTA meeting. If your spouse is intentionally combative, it can make things harder. It might be up to you to be the bigger person and keep the peace for your kids’ sake.

The divorce rate in Oklahoma is significant, especially when compared to the national divorce rate. As of 2022, the divorce rate in Oklahoma was 3.7 per 1,000 residents, according to the CDC. That same year, the marriage rate was 6.1, with over 24,500 marriage licenses issued in 2022 alone, according to data from the Oklahoma State Department of Health. A local divorce support group like Healing Through Divorce can help you deal with the pain of your divorce.

Handling a Combative Co-Parent

After a divorce, parenting with your ex can be hard to accept. Your ex may be unwilling to compromise and could still see you as the bad guy in all this. They may try to make things as hard for you as they can. Throughout it all, you should never stoop to their level. Continue to be a present and involved parent, be honest with your children, and prioritize your own mental health alongside theirs. Here are some tips on how to handle a combative co-parent:

  • Be sure to document every interaction you have with them. If they are using underhanded tactics or trying to alienate your kids from you, it is vital that you obtain proof of those actions. You may be able to use that proof to fight for primary custody if it ever gets to that point. At the very least, it’s good to have a paper trail of your ex’s behavior.
  • Never forget that your ex’s feelings are no longer your responsibility. You got divorced. If your ex-spouse tries to act like they control you or they have a say in how you live your life, they could end up digging their own hole and providing you with plenty of documentation you can use in court. Focus on doing what’s right for your kids and following the parenting plan.

FAQs

Q: How Does a Parenting Plan Work?

A: A parenting plan is a list of guidelines and rules ordered by the court for both parents to follow. It includes all relevant details regarding co-parenting with your former spouse, including a visitation schedule, what to do in case of emergency, and how to deal with parenting disputes as they arise. If your spouse decides to stop following the parenting plan, you can use that as evidence that they are disobeying a court order, which can significantly help you.

Q: What Would Make a Parent Lose Custody?

A: There are many different behaviors that could result in a parent losing custody of their children. Generally, evidence of abuse or neglect is the first thing the court looks at when determining custody. Any history of such behavior will likely prohibit custody. Sometimes, though, a parent may lose custody solely because of their financial situation. It doesn’t mean they are bad parents. It just means they can’t afford to provide for the child at that time.

Q: Can the Child Choose Which Parent to Live With in Oklahoma?

A: Yes and no. In Oklahoma, if the child is at least 12 years old, they may tell the court which parent they wish to live with going forward. However, the court does not have to abide by this decision. Ultimately, they will do what’s right for the child. This may include refusing their request and giving primary custody to the parent who is the most financially stable.

Q: How Can I End Combative Behavior From My Ex?

A: Unfortunately, there is no easy way to answer that. If your ex is combative, there may be very little you can do to end that behavior. They may behave this way just to hurt you or make things difficult for you because they see you as the villain. The most effective thing you can do is ignore that behavior. They might be digging a deeper hole for themselves that you can use later in future custody hearings.

Contact Us Today

At Stange Law Firm, we can help you develop a sound parenting plan. Contact us to speak to someone on our team about your case.